Confrontation
- crysbright
- Aug 7, 2016
- 2 min read
I have spent years learning how to provide excellent customer service and de-escalation training. I know what it is like to be the target for confrontation on a daily basis, and even though I am not doing the same work today, I still use some of the things I've learned as well as some life experience.
I really feel like all people are equal so I can not pretend it doesn't bother me when I know someone is feeling negatively towards me. I know that it is never my problem when someone chooses a perspective and whether it be against me or not, I can not change their perspective when they have a lot of momentum behind it.
If someone wants to confront you, it's either from a place of wanting to express their anger to validate how they feel OR they want to feel better about their anger and understand better the thing that made them feel that way. Sometimes if they approach you with the desire to let their anger out on you, there is nothing that you can say to make them feel better purely, even though you can try to satisfy them for the moment.
What they may not understand is, no one wants to look at themselves and condemn themselves or call themselves bad. If anything, all their expression of anger will do is cause you to look at them and want to condemn them back. We must not do that because deep down all they really want is too feel better and that is something they may have to work on by themselves. Just love them for being human and allow them to be the way they are because you do not know what has caused them to take anger in something. If you do feel like you have caused them to lose peace of mind by mistake you can apologize but only if that's how you feel.
The person who confronts you with the intention to feel better will really appreciate the apology. Especially if they just wanted to have more information. Anyone who just wants to have a better understanding will usually not come with very much anger towards you but may confront you with the assumption that they have all the information and will be relieved when they find out that they didn't. This will be a very mature or understanding person, someone who understands that knowledge is power and information can put anyone at ease about anything.
No matter who is confronting you look at them with love, and if that is hard to do at least look at them with a sense of understanding what their intention is. I will stop anyone who confronts me about anything and ask "Are you looking to let out your anger, or are you looking to feel better?" Most of the time they know the first option seems unreasonable and they will ask themselves that question and consider they may just want to feel better. Asking that question alone will make a huge difference in how the conversation will go.
Comments